The epidemic of a people pleaser

The epidemic of a people pleaser

A people pleaser could be you or someone you are close to. This person is so keen on making others happy, but they are miserable themselves.

Imagine if you will a friend of a people pleaser and how she might describe her friend…

“Oh my goodness, she is so sweet, she will do anything for you. At the drop of a hat, you can call her and she will stop whatever she is doing to help. There was this one time where she was on the other side of town in a meeting for her job and she came over and helped me with a car problem.

There were times where I needed to be dropped off for work and even though I lived 30 minutes away from her, she came and got me! And mind you my job is about 20 minutes away from me! She had to wake up extra early to come get me and then get to her job, but she didn’t mind! I don’t ever hear her complain, she is always smiling, always flexible and never has she argued with me.

I even needed help with my phone bill a couple of times and she was able to help me out, so there are times where I don’t worry about that because I know I have my friend to help me out.

I can even call her at 4 in the morning, even though I know she has to be up for work in 2 more hours, but I call because she told me that I could call at anytime. I don’t really know what other things she has going on with her, but she is always perky and eager to help. She is my Little Ms. Fix It.”

On the other end…”Ms. Fix It” has another side to the story…

“I get tired of running around town running errands for her. I have things I have to do in my own life but she does not consider that. I don’t know why I still hang around her, but I just don’t know how to say what I feel because I am afraid to be bold and hurt her feelings possibly. I am tired of feeling like a doormat that continually is being stepped on. But I don’t want to lose my friendship with her. One time I was so busy running around with her I had barely enough gas to get to work the next day. But she did not offer to give me any gas money for it. I know all I have to do is tell her that I am busy and shouldn’t allow her to alter my schedule. I just don’t like confrontation or disappointing anyone, so I continue to do this…

The people pleaser was harboring feelings of resentment. She wants to speak up for herself, but is afraid of what others might say or do. They feel that if they speak up, they are afraid of what the other person might do…or afraid that they will be left alone.

Is it right to be like this…NO? I am not saying that one shouldn’t help out other people, be nice, caring, giving, etc. But is there a time when enough is enough?

I am learning within myself, that if I don’t speak up for myself who will. I have been the type of friend that has tried to do as much as I could for a friend, but sometimes in the end feeling used and drained. There is a balance, but I had imbalance with this. I can only do so much, and I have to know my limits. If I am not able to help, I can’t. Is it smart for one to pay someone else’s rent when they can’t even pay there own? That is just an example.

And there are people who may be in your life who only come around because they know you will give them help but they can’t be found when you need it yourself, is that healthy, not at all.

I am usually a shy and quiet person at times, but in this area, I have to learn to be bold. Is it wrong to speak, I don’t think so especially when done in a manner that states the truth in a way that exposes what has been happening but in a professional manner.

“…Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” Ephesians 4:25b-29

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