Must Read-Blog Roll Biblical Therapy

For anyone dealing with esteem and confidence issues, you must please check out this blog written the bible therapy blog spot, it will give you some new insight and mindset on confidence

http://bibletherapy.blogspot.com/2009/04/bible-applies-to-everyone-but-me.html

Too Sensitive...?

Exaggerated sensitiveness is an expression of the feeling of inferiority. ~Alfred Adler

The epidemic of a people pleaser

The epidemic of a people pleaser

A people pleaser could be you or someone you are close to. This person is so keen on making others happy, but they are miserable themselves.

Imagine if you will a friend of a people pleaser and how she might describe her friend…

“Oh my goodness, she is so sweet, she will do anything for you. At the drop of a hat, you can call her and she will stop whatever she is doing to help. There was this one time where she was on the other side of town in a meeting for her job and she came over and helped me with a car problem.

There were times where I needed to be dropped off for work and even though I lived 30 minutes away from her, she came and got me! And mind you my job is about 20 minutes away from me! She had to wake up extra early to come get me and then get to her job, but she didn’t mind! I don’t ever hear her complain, she is always smiling, always flexible and never has she argued with me.

I even needed help with my phone bill a couple of times and she was able to help me out, so there are times where I don’t worry about that because I know I have my friend to help me out.

I can even call her at 4 in the morning, even though I know she has to be up for work in 2 more hours, but I call because she told me that I could call at anytime. I don’t really know what other things she has going on with her, but she is always perky and eager to help. She is my Little Ms. Fix It.”

On the other end…”Ms. Fix It” has another side to the story…

“I get tired of running around town running errands for her. I have things I have to do in my own life but she does not consider that. I don’t know why I still hang around her, but I just don’t know how to say what I feel because I am afraid to be bold and hurt her feelings possibly. I am tired of feeling like a doormat that continually is being stepped on. But I don’t want to lose my friendship with her. One time I was so busy running around with her I had barely enough gas to get to work the next day. But she did not offer to give me any gas money for it. I know all I have to do is tell her that I am busy and shouldn’t allow her to alter my schedule. I just don’t like confrontation or disappointing anyone, so I continue to do this…

The people pleaser was harboring feelings of resentment. She wants to speak up for herself, but is afraid of what others might say or do. They feel that if they speak up, they are afraid of what the other person might do…or afraid that they will be left alone.

Is it right to be like this…NO? I am not saying that one shouldn’t help out other people, be nice, caring, giving, etc. But is there a time when enough is enough?

I am learning within myself, that if I don’t speak up for myself who will. I have been the type of friend that has tried to do as much as I could for a friend, but sometimes in the end feeling used and drained. There is a balance, but I had imbalance with this. I can only do so much, and I have to know my limits. If I am not able to help, I can’t. Is it smart for one to pay someone else’s rent when they can’t even pay there own? That is just an example.

And there are people who may be in your life who only come around because they know you will give them help but they can’t be found when you need it yourself, is that healthy, not at all.

I am usually a shy and quiet person at times, but in this area, I have to learn to be bold. Is it wrong to speak, I don’t think so especially when done in a manner that states the truth in a way that exposes what has been happening but in a professional manner.

“…Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” Ephesians 4:25b-29

© S.O.U.L.ed Out Creations
http://www.souledoutcreations.com
http://jewelsofencouragement.blogspot.com

The True Power of Forgiveness

Devotional from JATH Ministries
http://jathministries.com/devotionals

Up until my mid-20’s, I perpetuated a very ungodly disdain for my biological father. The gravity of my sin didn't manifest itself until after he was murdered. In the aftermath, I wrestled with admitting to myself that I exhausted an excessive amount of emotional energy by attempting to keep him in the prison of my resentment. In my estimation, he forfeited the honor of “Dad” because he did nothing to earn it. I felt like in his abandonment of our family, he was partly to blame for us having to struggle so much. But I learned the hard way that even though my feelings of exasperation were valid, life is too short to completely right all my wrongs.


True Forgiveness: Willingly giving up the right to punish someone, even when they deserve it.


The maligned view that extending forgiveness equates to weakness stems from an unhealthy understanding of what forgiveness really is. Forgiveness always costs somebody something, but we see it as weakness when the underlying truth is we simply don’t want to be the one paying. Harboring unforgiveness is no different than drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Medical evidence proves that holding onto resentment can actually destroy your health because those negative emotions release deadly toxins into your body over time. You weren't built to carry the stress that goes with holding onto a grudge! Furthermore, the very bridge you destroy with unforgiveness is the exact same bridge you’ll one day have to cross.


The Bible has much to say about forgiveness. In Genesis 33:1-4, Esau forgives his younger brother Jacob for stealing his birthright. Esau's birthright was an inheritance that entitled him to a double portion of their family's estate. In Hosea 3:1-5, the prophet Hosea forgives his unfaithful wife, Gomer. By doing so, Hosea sought reconciliation at the expense of his own humiliation. In Matthew 18:21-35, Jesus gives the parable of the unforgiving servant and tells us what to expect when we walk in unforgiveness. In Luke 15:11-32, Jesus shares the parable of the father who forgives his prodigal son. Several other verses speak to forgiveness as well: Matthew: 5:23-24 & 6:14-15; Luke: 6:37 & 17:3-4; II Corinthians 2:7, 10; Ephesians 4:32 and Colossians 3:13. The common thread which weaves these verses together originates here: the power of forgiveness is the only power you have over anyone who hurts you. Forgiving sets both sides free from the negative bond that exists because when you forgive, you’re choosing to focus on what you can control, namely yourself.


Are you tied to the past through the umbilical cord of unforgiveness? When you forgive, you sever that cord. A refusal to forgive keeps you tied to a memory that can hurt you for the rest of your life because the root of unforgiveness is pride. It's that very same pride that refuses to let offenses go unpunished. I can tell you that these principles work, not only because I've studied them in the Bible but because I've also had to apply them in my own life. Thanks be to God that the frustration I maintained toward my dad is now an afterthought. If I could yell it from the rooftops, I would proudly testify: the power of forgiveness is refreshingly liberating!


Food for Thought
1) Have you given Christ complete control of your life so that you too may walk in the true power of forgiveness?
2) Who came to mind as you read this message? (sidebar: Don't fight against it. If God is “bothering” you about a specific person or situation, that’s an area He wants to grow YOU in.)
3) How can exhibiting forgiveness become your norm and not your exception?




"Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury." - E.H. Chapin


http://jathministries.com/devotionals
Copyright © 2009 Joined at the Hip Ministries
All Rights Reserved.

Why?

Ladies I just feel it on my heart to talk about why we tend to sometimes look as relationships as game that has your life and well being at stake. Society bascially states that if you don't have a man in your life you aren't worth too much of anything. From that viewpoint its seems its ok to just have anyone in your life. That should not be the case...

Don't settle for less...

Hey I have been there looking for love in all the wrong places and those places lead me to men who didn't have my best interest in mind and they were not focused on the places that I needed to go. They took more than they ever offered and I allowed that to happen because hey I had someone in my life.

I cried some nights, worried would I ever have someone to call my own. It thought that I guess I would have to settle for either being single or either for a guy that really wasn't worth my time. I was about to settle for someone who said they wanted to marry me but was very controlling, demanding and wanted me to change who I was for his purpose.

Please don't settle for someone that...

*You have to share...

When I say share please don't settle for a guy already in a relationship, marriage, etc. You are worth more than a percentage of someone's time. All in all this will lead to a lot of heartache, deception and paranoia. You are playing with too many lives when this happens. With a marriage the man and woman become one flesh, a marriage of 2 persons and God not another party who is not in that covenant. Any man is better than no man is such a lie and a deception from the enemy.

*Someone that is abusive...

I was in a relationship almost 2 years ago where the guy was verbally and emotionally abusive. At the time I was so broken down, and my self esteem was low that I thought that this was all I was worth. to have a guy like this was going to be my life sentence of manipulated submission and controlled deception. I told my friends that at this time if I was still with him I would be a shell of myself, morbidly obese, probably on my third child, brainwashed, depressed, downtrodden, with little to no self esteem, and spiritually comatose. Please ladies think more highly of yourself, you were brought into this world with a mind of your own and a purpose of your own don't sentence your self to life in a mental, physical prison just to have a male around.

*Someone who wants to change who you are...

Oh so he doesn't like your hair, he doesn't like how you dress, he doesn't like your skin tone, he doesn't like your size, he doesn't like your job, he doesn't like the car you drive or the place you stay. so question, why are still trying to be with him. Is it alright to be with someone who dosen't like who you are and who you will grow to be? I fought many times to try to be the girl I thought some guys wanted me to be, but I was fighting with myself because I was fighting who I really was. If the change he asks for is not the one to better you and who you are then question yourself why is he with you?

*Someone who does not share your same spiritual foundation...

In my experience I dated some guys that were in the church but were not spiritually grounded. There foundation was shaky so if I was to have a lifew with them our marriage would already have cracks and breaks. I was willing to settle for someone who at least stated they believed in God, but I knew that was not what I should have dealt with. If I wanted to be a powerful praying woman, with a powereful praying husand in which we would be a family defeating the powers of Satan, I couldn't settle for someone who was lukewarm, chilly or ice cold in their faith. Someone I would have to argue to go to church with me on Sundays, man that was not the life I was looking to lead.

So...

Basically ladies, keep your head up and maintain your focus on fulfilling at what you are suppossed to do.

Don't think I don't know the pain and hurt that comes with relationships, I do I just am tired of seeing women settle for less...

~by Dilemma
S.O.U.L.ed Out Creations 2008

http://www.souledoutcreations.com
http://www.myspace.com/souledoutcreations
7-28-08 (original posting)

The times we live in...

10-28-08 (original posting)

It's not right...but its ok...

It's not right BUT it will be ok.

Everyone can look around nowadays and see some type of disorder. From the economy, unemployment, natural disasters, unimaginable crimes, etc. You turn on the news and you see continual murder attempts, people being tricked and swindled, raped, molested, tortured, killed, etc. Even if you may not see those things, you may see relationships and families dissolving, signs of depression creeping on those you love, suicidal thoughts, mood disorders and the list goes on...

I can't sit here and say that I don't feel overwhelmed about all the things that are happening now in this world. The signs of the times some may say.

I get frustrated, angry, confused, upset, afraid wondering why things are the way they are. I want to cry out Lord why, why WHY? I don't understand...but I know that their is purpose in it all. Their is nothing new under the sun as it says in Ephesians which is so true. The things that I see have been seen, heard and done before. I know life at this time may be hard for some but please know that there is so much more to it than what you see. You wonder how could there be a God who allows these things? Why does it have to be this way. Life was not promised to be easy. And I know through the hard times it can be hard to look and depend on a being that you can't see but His work is happening all around you.

God gave us free will...so what are you going to do with yours, wreck a life or build one. Destroy a family or nuture and care for one? Moan and complain or take a stand and take action?

~by Dilemma
S.O.U.L.ed Out Creations 2008

http://www.souledoutcreations.com
http://www.myspace.com/souledoutcreations

Oldies but Goodies

I'm going to repost some various throughts, poems and devotional that I have shared with others in the past and now want to share on this site. So you may see multiple posts on the same day, but when you have the chance take the time to read through them, thanks!

Great Expectations

Have you ever been disappointed by someone? Someone who was close to you like your mother, father, sister, brother, husband, wife, etc.?

Well you aren't alone I have been disappointed by others...But as well I have disappointed others.

Why?

Because I'm not perfect, people in general are not perfect. We are made to not to be able to keep people happy, fulfilled, and complete solely. It's unfair to put this task on people because we fail all the time.

An example of some great expectations that can be put on others could look like this...

Always answer the phone when needed
Always give the right answer,
Never ever act inappropriately when asked for their help
Always be there when lonely
Always feel wanted and liked at all times.
Never be left out of actvites, gatherings, etc.

I already know that a person could not and was not made to fulfill these 24/7. If someone expected me to these at all time I would feel pressured, confused and overwhelmed because I would not be able to fulfill all those expectations.

To put these expectations on your friends, family, associates, etc. is just going to make a very unhappy and disappointed person at the end of the day. Who seems to never be pleased by anything because of all the disappointments that they feel. Now truly is that the way it should be? No. Based on how you grew up and your experiences in life we all have expectations of how a person should act, be, do or say and sometimes those expectations exceed the reality of the people we encounter and as well as ourselves.

Hence, I used the terms always and never in the sample great expectations list. There is someone who is able to always be there, never make you feel lonely and always loves and cares for you. You might be like there is no one who could do all that all the time. God is able to do those things above and beyond what we can imagine.

People are able to give us pieces of the type of love God shows but he is the puzzle and only he can complete it. He is truly the only one that can fulfill every need, desire and yes...great expectation.

"Don't Look at Me"


~by Dilemma
S.O.U.L.ed Out Creations 2008

http://www.souledoutcreations.com
http://www.myspace.com/souledoutcreations

Happy New Year!

Around this time everyone is coming up with a list of new years resolutions things that they hope they can change in their life in the new year.

Well instead of having New Year's Resoultions let's instead have New Year's Revelations. Meaning with revelations, let God reveal to you what he wants to change in you. I have been victim of making a list of things I have wanted to change but this year I want God to reveal to me what he knows He needs to change in me so I can fully work in His kingdom.

Instead of working off my own mind's assumption of the things I need to work on, God will reveal to me what really needs to be done. As He reveals to me what I need to change I will be making a convenant promise (resolution) to him that is binding. A promise to God instead of to myself.

Because when I promise to myself I will tend to neglect them because I am only accountable to myself which in the end fails, i.e. past resloutions of prior years. This time I know God is on my side, if I sway or start not to follow he will be there to remind me that this is for my good and it will all work out in the end, that I must persevere and of course I made a promise to him.
I don't want to keep crying over those same issues, those same things I have no control over, the continual mistakes I make over and over. I want the Word in my heart, I want it in my mouth and in my daily walk so he will reveal to me those things that need to be done away with.

New year...New revelations...

~by Dilemma
S.O.U.L.ed Out Creations 2008

http://www.souledoutcreations.com
http://www.myspace.com/souledoutcreations